11 Jun Preface
I stood there, in front of my mirror, staring at myself. Smiling. Was I honestly chanting affirmations at myself in the mirror?
Who am I?!?!
As stand here, not even at the official day one of my project, I’m excited… I’m committed… I’m ready.
Am I pathetic? No.
I’m just trying to do my best.
I am trying to sort myself out.
I feel at times as though I am standing still, in a world filled with chaos. Life’s challenges whipping around me, like wind bashing a weak ass flimsy tree in the middle of some hellish storm. That tree hasn’t got a fucking chance in hell of hanging on. That wind is going to rip it out of there any minute unless it grows some serious roots and holds on for dear life.
I’ve realised that I have been merely growing just above the surface. With every good and bad experience, my branches are growing.
To most, I seem to be doing okay. I kid myself into thinking the same thing every now and then.
But, below the surface, in my core – at my roots. They aren’t inching their way into the earth, they aren’t building a solid foundation and protecting me from being ripped up out of the ground when a storm barrels through.
I have nothing holding me in place.
I’m not functioning how I should be or how I envisioned I would.
There is something missing.