13 Dec OCTOBER – Bootcamp month
Boot camp month
October was a month covered by grey clouds. Beyond my control, I was faced with issues that ripped through my happiness like a rancid storm. I was consumed with a number of stresses and knew I was hanging on by a thread. I knew my Happiness Project was working wonders in so many aspects of my life but I also applied my commandments to ‘slow down’ and decided not to apply any new resolutions ns for this month.
Towards the end of September as my life got the better of me, I slowly stopped doing many of my resolutions. I was not spending quality time with my husband and being affectionate, I wasn’t connecting with my friends or making the effort with my family that I should. I was not prioritising myself. Tasks became overwhelming and I lost all motivation to reflect on my resolutions and do things that were self-serving. Tasks associated with work and uni were all I had time for. I noticed a huge difference in my happiness when I abandoned my resolutions. Some of the habits were ingrained for me, which kept things at the forefront of my mind. I knew I needed to be positive, generous and reflective – I always thought about those things. What fell by the wayside, was the concentrated effort or time that I had been dedicating to some of my resolutions. Because I had felt so disconnected from my life as stress consumed me, it meant that I withdrew from my husband. I was in survival mode so wasn’t my usual warm and bubbly self to him. I also retreated into myself and disconnected from friends. This meant that I internalised worries or stress and this wasn’t a good thing! The difference between now and a time before this Happiness Project was that I wouldn’t have noticed this before. I am self aware enough now that I can feel when things need to change very early on.
In order keep on top of everything, I decided to undertake a boot camp month! October was a time when I simply just continued to work on the habits I had focused on in previous months. This meant that I wouldn’t feel snowed under by more looming tasks and could get my stress management back on track by connecting back to the things that I know made me happy.
Feeling stressed and miserable is not something I accept anymore. My mindfulness made me notice that I wasn’t feeling okay. I hated feeling unproductive. I wasn’t blogging or doing as many of the things that made me happy. My bootcamp month gave me the time to take a breath and reconfigure. This months overhaul held true to many of my commandments. In particular it helped me to ‘breathe,’ ‘use time wisely,’ ‘slow down’ and most importantly ‘be Adrienne.’ In order to form habits, I had to practise. By simply glossing over things, I wasn’t taking out of it what I could. This month was less about holding myself accountable and more like feeling what it felt like to consciously move through life.
I spent October reminding myself to be grateful, reframing positive thoughts about myself and others and backing out of conversations that were toxic and gossip filled. I set alarms to make sure I had time to do something I love or work on a project. I checked in with myself often about whether or not I let my husband know how much I loved him that day. I let go of the reigns a little and game myself some space to explore. What came at the end of the month was a renewed passion to dive back into my project and set new goals for November.
Although I’m not perfect (I am still only catching up on this post in December!) – I’m happy. I’m managing a hugely stressful and worrisome time in my life with grace. Instead of exploding or imploding, I’m honest with myself and others and I’m sensitive to how I feel and what I need.
But most importantly I’m doing okay – and that’s all that matters.