11 Jan NOVEMBER – Learn from your husband (or anyone for that matter)
Learn from your husband
Couples who learn together, stay together…
Well, that’s what I tell myself anyway! As I embarked on my learning journey, I began to see the value in learning from those around me. Just like in any marriage, there is a balance of knowledge from both parties. Continuing with this months theme of learning, I set my marriage resolution to tap into my husbands brain. For those who don’t have a spouse or partner, this can definitely apply to any relationship in your life. In our relationship, I bring knowledge of health, nutrition and wellbeing to the table. What my husband brings, is a vast knowledge of finance and investment. Now, don’t let me fool you into envisioning that our dinner discussions are a lengthy two sided discussion of how kale detoxes our bodies and how the property market is doing (well sometimes they are!). If anything, our discussions could do with some maintinence and exactly why I set this resolution.
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest. My husband Matt holds so much knowledge about the very important topics of wealth, finance, investment, property and stocks, yet, I rarely tap into them. On one hand, I have listened to the main points which have given me an understanding of our financial strategy. But on the other hand, I haven’t asked him enough questions to really learn much on the topic or engage him in conversation on topics of interest to him. As mentioned in previous post during my resolution to ‘Set aside more quality time’, I read a book on finance and this worked wonders for our ability to connect with each other and discuss things of mutual interest. But since then, I have failed to keep it going. What I have begun to notice is that when I am discussing why gluten is the devil, he listens in and gives his two cents. But as soon as he talks rising interest rates, my mind drifts elsewhere – probably to why dairy is scary…
This month was about tuning in, showing my husband that I value his interests, not simply because they are what he cares about but because they put us on the same page and guide our future. As part of my resolution, I made a plan to follow my commandments to ‘ask questions’ and ‘listen’ and ‘be a learner’ when spending time with my husband. We often walk together of an evening, so saw this as the perfect time to instigate the conversation. Not only about wealth, but about his profession and other interests.
The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together. On my quest to learn more from my husband and to align our paths, I was mindful as I chatted with my husband. I made it a priority to show him that I valued what he brought to the table. As he discussed his day, I would ask him to give me a little context to some of the things that happen within his industry. I saw him light up as he launched into explanations about training adults, electrical networks and online systems. As he read books on wealth building, I asked him what he was learning about. He would close his book, smile and trail off into high capital growth property areas, index funds and banks. Thinking back, I can’t remember a thing he told me. Why? Probably because I wasn’t asking him the right questions. It would be like if I were to type in totally irrelevant topics into google and try and learn from articles of no real connection. If it doesn’t directly apply to me or spark an interest, I am less inclined to learn it. This, of course, does not mean that you don’t ask people questions about what they do or things you aren’t interested in. That is called ‘a conversation!’ If you really want to learn something from another person, you do really have to have some inclination towards the topic so that you can engage and pay attention.
It is here that I put both my hands up and own up to the fact that this resolution didn’t go as planned. Nor, did I really carry it on into December or even January (as I write this) and it all came to a head two days ago when Matt asked me to play one of his finance podcasts in the car. My response?
“Oh hell no!”
I shot him down, telling him “Investment and wealth isn’t my passion so I don’t want to listen to it.” In that moment, I was not upholding any of my commandments for happiness. I was not ‘being a learner’ or ‘treating others how I want to be treated.’ What I was being was a huge bitch! I caught myself and pulled my head in. It was in this moment that I realised the ground work I needed to put into this resolution to ensure I follow through with it throughout 2018.
Knowledge is not power, implementation is power. As I write this, we are listening to a podcast on growing wealth. Matt and I have had big discussions already about how we will instil money awareness in the minds of our future children. We are connected, we are on the same page and we are working together harmoniously. Moving forward, I plan to ask Matt more questions and to actually listen in order to learn. I plan to value his knowledge, opinions and expertise and give more to our relationship, rather than allowing him to fill up my cup, while I splash around in his.
2018 is about fine tuning and revisiting some of my resolutions that I have stumbled over or let fall by the wayside.The lesson from my mistakes at the end or 2017 are; to ask meaningful questions that you actually want to know the answers to, listen, think and continue to grow that marvellous mind of yours.