15 Jun MAY RESOLUTIONS – And we’re off!
Show quality affection
May was the month of healing. I embarked on this project with the intention to heal my internal wounds. I knew that healing my mind and my body was the only way I was going to be able to get happy and keep up with the project. So I hit the ground running. I was running hard and fast! This was so typically me. I was so obsessed with getting this project started that I couldn’t wait until the beginning of June. I started on the 9th of May….
So basically, I cheated, I didn’t fully prepare and Ijust launched into the project without properly thinking about it. I initially gave myself more goals than I listed above (yes, I cheated again) and removed them to look more successful. I have vowed to myself that from now on, I will do one of two things whilst I document this.
1. Be honest and document when I remove them
2.Leave it in there, reflect on how I did not achieve the resolution and add it to the next month.
The key here is – it doesn’t matter that I failed. It only matters that I try again. Oh that’s totally a commandment! (Added!)
This is so typical of my personality!!! I read the Happiness Project book and was so motivated that I added yet another load to my already insane life and put the pressure on myself to achieve it. Which leads me to my commandment ‘Slow Down.’ – I am famously known by friends family and colleagues as someone who takes a lot on. I remember an old colleague of mine, Kelly Birch would always marvel at how much shit I could get done. I would have woken up and gone to the gym, rolled into work with perfect hair and makeup, ticked off all my work admin goals, taught kids how to read, write and apply mathematical strategies, collate data, email my team our focuses for the next week, go home to Matt, go to dinner, complete uni readings, write and essay, retire to bed and then do it all again the next day with a smile on my face. She’d stare at me with her jaw hanging down somewhere near her knees and her eyes screaming at me “get fucked” and just utter the words “I…don’t…understand…how…you…do…it.” At the time, I would smile, dust some imaginary dust from my shoulder, shrug and be mighty pleased with myself.
Upon reflection now, I was getting it all done. I was amazing, but only in that short moment. This hard working mindset (which I inherited from my father) wasn’t serving me well. I was taking on so much, not even comprehending or registering the stress that was manifesting inside me. It is my goal in this project to be more mindful of what happens when I take on a million tasks, schedule in too many activities and overload my poor body with too much exercise. Just because I feel okay at the time, doesn’t always mean I will feel okay in the future. Self preservation is my ultimate goal.
May was a big month for me.
Emotionally, I was in a shit place for most of April and this didn’t stop in May. In May, I turned 30 on the same day as Mother’s Day, Matt had surgery, my father resurfaced, I was completing uni, work was crazy stressful which all lead to my anxiety levels being through the roof.
I knew early on that I had to get a few things in regards to my health in check. If I could maintain some kind of order here, it would carry over into other domains and I would stay on top of my stress and anxiety. I imagined that by sticking to these resolutions, the others would be much more manageable. Although I set myself four health resolutions, they were things that I was already doing, I just probably wasn’t doing them as well as I could!